Not ashamed, to not spend.

Christmas is approaching. And naturally we want to buy gifts for loved ones. (For me, especially for my grandchildren.)  - What parent/grandparent doesn't  want that? =)

We, my husband and I, live modestly. QUITE modestly, in fact.

Depending on any number of factors, our budget flows somewhere between - 'middle-class-comfortable' - to - 'it's tighter than too-small jeans'. ... Can you relate?

I'd like to hope that all of us have 'been there' at some time. It helps us grow, and find perspective.

The 'No we can't get that right now' days. Or, 'Sorry. We can't take that trip.' times. Maybe it's - 'It's hot dog night, again'.
Any tight times comes with disappointments. Probably more than just disappointment.

Maybe sadness. Anger. Frustration. Feeling pathetic, or hopeless. All of the above? - Ya. It can be hard.

Most of the time I'm a very frugal spender, regardless of our budget. - I looove making our dollars stretch! It feels wise and wonderful, even!
To grocery shop for bargains, rather than being a Commercial endured robot-shopper, is smart.
Garage Sales, Thrift Stores, Dollar Tree, and Walmart stuff? Yup! I'm all about it! - I use coupons, BOGO, a combo of both, or a number of other ways to 'Not be ashamed, to not spend'.

I absolutely love the sense of satisfaction it brings. =)

As life goes, there are times (right now is one for us) where circumstances shift, and you're left pinching pennies just to meet basic living expenses. - (Can I get an 'Amen!' ?)

The sort of time where it's 'routine' to have leftover-leftovers for most meals. Cashing in coin jars to put gas in the tank. Cutting back on non-essentials, entirely.
Such as - Dinners out. New seasonal clothing. This, or that. - And the upcoming Christmas gift list gets 'shortened'.
All of which can take a toll on your heart, even if your head 'gets it'.

I had such a 'pay the toll' moment, last night.

My husband and I decided one of the non-essentials we would cut-back on is our cable service. We don't have premium service, to begin with. But, we don't 'need' cable. Not really. Sure, it's a want, but definitely not a 'need'.

Some of what I watch on the News are reports of catastrophes.  Shootings. Wars. Storms that leave thousands without anything. Countless reports of families losing loved ones. And knowing that, even just a few miles from any of us, that there are families that don't only NOT have a Christmas list - but they don't have a home of their own, either. And they live at the mercy of a community - day after day.
How can I dare to think that I 'need' cable?

We're going to forego cable for a while. For a couple of months? A couple of years? I don't know, yet. But, we're going to cut it.

So as to get SOME sort of technical connection to the outside world - my husband hooked up an old fashioned TV antennae to the TV in our room. I didn't know he had, until I went to bed that night.

I walked into our bedroom. Stopped. Saw this 'not small' metal tic-tac-toe contraption of rods - sticking up and out of our flat screen TV. It was a jarring sight. It's UGLY! Intrusive. Poor looking. Pathetic looking. ...... I felt sad. *sigh*

It was a stark reminder of our financial plight, right now. How tight we have it.
And the 'moments ago' thought of people without ANYTHING - was gone from my head. And the thought of 'no' sugar plums, danced in my head.
As I lay on my bed, looking sadly at that sad contraption of rods - I couldn't help but notice how it was facing at an angle, and 'up'. Up. Like, skyward. Heavenward. Up.

And I felt shame at how quickly I had looked 'down' on my plight. Instead of  'up' to God.

Doesn't He have my back? Of course He does. Then why do I take my troubles from him, and hold onto them, and 'worry' instead?
.... ya .... 'Guilty as charged'.

We all have things that reminds us to keep things in perspective.
Some people have endless piles of debris from a catastrophe'. - I happen to have an antennae in my bedroom. An antennae that looks 'up' for power and strength to function.

... We should do the same. <3 nbsp="">

The Ugly Mirror

I own an ugly mirror. How I came to own it was rather unexpected. I had been shopping at the pharmacy we use, and as usual I checked their Clearance section for anything that might be useful to us. And there was the mirror!

It's a pedestal vanity mirror. The type that swivels from a regular reflection, to a magnified reflection, and will also light up around the perimeter to give better viewing. I don't wear a lot of make-up, but I do wear some, and this seemed like it would be helpful for that.
Given that the markdown price was 1/10th of the original price - sold me. $4.99 is a great bargain, I thought.

And as I was standing there, in front of all the marked down stuff, holding the box of my new find, another customer was walking past and remarked 'Oh! I have that! We call it the Ugly-mirror!'.
Um. What?
I didn't think it was ugly, it has a bronze finish and wasn't too ornate nor too plain. So, I remarked as such, and she continued with ... 'Oh, it's not ugly. But you're gonna see ugly in it.'. - Um. Not making this better, lady. Thanks a lot, I was thinking!
With a wave of her hand, and a smile on her face, she said her goodbye's with a 'you'll see'.

Oooh-kay, then. (*Insert eye roll here*)

I bought the mirror, brought it home, set it on the bathroom shelf, and plugged it it. Pretty! Not ugly at all. (Dumb lady, mumbled in my head)
I looked at my reflection on the regular side. Yup! This will work nicely when putting make-up on, or tending to a blemish or such. And then I flipped it over to the magnifying side, which for all intents and purposes will forever be referred to as - the UGLY side!!!

That lady was NOT kidding! The magnified, lit up reflection made every pore, stray chin hair, wrinkle, misplaced make-up, magnified and UGLY! Yikes!!! I look like THAT?!?! 'Horrors!' I had no idea!
Well, I quickly washed, plucked, and adjusted every little spot that was magnified and screaming at me to rescue me from myself!!!
My hair roots were more gray than I realized, my subtle smile lines were now bonified age wrinkles, and my lips resembled the 'before' shot on chap-stick commercials! I looked my age, and suddenly the humble girl I thought I was - had instantly become very vain and self conscious. Yikes!

Mirrors don't lie. No sir, they do not. Not good UGLY mirrors, that is. They expose every tiny detail of what's real. Whether we like it, or not.

...God is like that. Make no mistake, nothing about HIM is ugly. But he does expose what is ugly in us, thru his word, the bible.
Whether you're quite familiar of what's written in it, or you know it simply as a bible - and really have no clue what it says, it still speaks truth. And nothing is hidden to God. Nothing about this world. Nothing about us individually.

We can read how there's awful societal scars that we deal with in our culture; or personal blemishes we walk around with personally but ignoring them. They're there.
You're probably thinking of a whole bunch of things wrong in our world! I do!
But we also need to be mindful of the personal heart blemishes, we each have, that we hide from Gods mirror. Guess what. It's not hidden. They're not hidden.

You know what I'm talking about. Those little (or maybe not so little) dark sides inside of you. The ones you wish you didn't struggle with.

So why do you? Why do I? Let's get that Ugly Heart mirror out each day, and ask God to show us what shows to Him. What do we need to wash thru Him, and get it cleaned up. He'll show you. He's kinda keen on us - and likes us at our best. It 'reflects' well on Him.

Dog-Sitting

We're dog-sitting for a couple of days. And it is sooo much fun!

I never realized I was a 'dog' person, as they say, until we took in a rescue a couple of years ago. Oooh, was that neat! We got a gem of a girl. We named her 'Ginger' because of her beautiful red blonde coloring.
She knew commands, wasn't a table moocher, was house trained, she was pretty, and smart, and didn't chew our 'stuff', she was PERFECT! *sigh* - Until we discovered she was a 'runner'.

Every time a door opened, or leash wasn't clipped right, or leash would get yanked off by her wild thrashings (to be out of it!!!) - she would RUN. And run, and run, and run! Making wider and wider circles around our house - to the neighbors yards - and finally beyond, till she was 'out of sight'. She'd stay gone for hours! No matter how far and long we would look, call, beg, whistle, squeak her favorite toy. Nothing. Nothing so much as a glance over her shoulder at us. Nope. Just, gone.....

After living several weeks of her habit, and considering we live in a beautiful area that abuts the MetroParks (with deer and all sorts of wildlife coming thru regularly) - we also live on a very busy 4 lane road. An accident was bound to happen. For her wide arching circles of running track she was creating - she also was ignoring any boundaries in her path. Including 45 mph vehicles. *sigh* The 'gasps', breath holding, mouth covering, name shouting, arms flailing we did - was for naught. A very naught(y) girl named Ginger.

She knew us. She loved us. She knew we fed her, cared for her, played with her, rubbed her head and belly till she was practically purring! Lord knows we loved her!
Yet. Run she would. Every. Single. Chance. *sigh*

So. We brought her back to the shelter, to be adopted out again, to someone who had a big fenced yard. It was 'Adoption Day' the day we brought miss Ginger back. Dozens, and dozens, of families stood in loooong lines - hoping to find a good dog! And here we came. With ours.

Our hearts were breaking in a screaming silence within us! It was so unbearable to say 'goodbye' to our almost perfect dog! And she WAS perfect. Just not safe. And that made it necessary. For her. For us. And a little part of us died in doing it. In saying 'goodbye, be safe'.

Then hoping, and begging God, that she'd be adopted by a perfect and safe family! The odds were high, that day. The smiling faces, hope filled eye's, of soooo many people to come adopt 'their' dog - were everywhere we looked. We were encouraged many would want her!

When we adopted her, she had been 'found' by someone. There was no 'history' to be told for a perfect placement. All they had to go on was her behavior in the short time she was at the shelter.
But now, now, we could offer her behavior history - so they could best 'fit' her to the right 'match' of a family. Which is highly beneficial!

"She'll need a fence" we said, "...she's a runner.". The vet tech marked it down, while another tech examined her.
"What are her other problems?" they asked. *sigh* - "None. She's perfect." - And we both got tears in our eye's.
"We just don't have a fence. She's not safe.". (More tears!)

We signed the paperwork, and left. We didn't get to say 'goodbye' after all. And it killed us.

How can something you have so briefly - mean so much?!

Here comes the moral of the story:
I hope you were able to feel a little of what we felt from this story. It's all true. Our emotions for her are still palpable, even though it happened years ago.
Cause that slight window of love. That little glimpse of such a perfect love and protection that we felt for her,...is just a micro-fraction of what God feels for 'us'. For you. For me. For all of us.

Yet, don't we regularly 'run'? Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. But we all run. In our own ways. But always away from Gods best for us. We 'feel' the urge to bolt! There are endless metaphors and examples I could give for how we all do that! But we know ourselves. We know what makes us run. We know.
For me to list them - would distract us to others, and their imperfections. The only one that matters - is the one in our hearts. Think. Surely something is coming to mind. How/why your heart runs.

Our God loves us enough, that He lets us run. He wants us to WANT him. He'll never leash us, or lock us in. He wants us to choose to stay close to him. For our OWN safety.

But, if we run long enough, if we run far enough, we won't see or hear him anymore.

Yet, he'll always come looking. He will. Listen? Can't you hear him calling your name? Stop running. Stop. He loves you! Go to him. You'll find Him - perfect.