Behaving as we were raised

Behaving as we were raised is a pretty common concept. I mean, we all know we get our manners, or lack of them, from how we were raised. We were either constantly prodded to say the appropriate 'pleases' and 'thank you's', or we weren't. We either were told to set the table, make our bed, feed the pet, go help mom, go help dad, or we weren't. Our posture, jitteriness, facial expressions, outfits we wore, talking, mattered - or it didn't. Or any OTHER level between the degree's mentioned.
Our upbringing largely reflects who we are as adults.

We even pick up subconscious traits. Perhaps how we laugh. Gesture. Stand. Walk. React to anything and everything. Plenty of our upbringing nuances reflect in us.
Just the other day I overheard my daughter give my grandson an affirmation to his good behavior using the EXACT phrase I would use with she and her brother when I was raising them. I must say, it left a lump in my throat, and had me whispering 'oh thank you, I did something right'. And yet - I'm sure there are many (if any -*cough*cough*) bad examples I passed along as well. Surelyyyyy nothing worth mentioning here. Haha....

My point being - basically, as the saying goes, 'what goes around - comes around'. Good and bad. Naturally the tendency is to try to improve upon the last go around. And so on, and so on.
Parenthood is very defined by this principle. We try to reflect what we found, or learned, in our parents to be worthy. And what was unbecoming - to fade away, and not stay strong in our lives. Right?

Well, our ultimate parenthood example is in God (if we're his son's and daughters, thru believing in the scriptures - and that Christ is who he says he is).
As God's children we should, need, must reflect Him accurately. I'm not saying become all legalistic and jumping through a bunch of christianese hoops. All the so called 'politically correct' Christian do's and don'ts. No, not a bunch of iron rules. (Although some of us were raised in that type of environment. Either at home, or thru a misguided or abusive ministry).
What I'm talking about is - we need to act how our daddy (our Heavenly Father) would want us to act. To be. Feel. Think. -and Act willingly, not as a puppet. The obedience by choice because we love him, and trust His motive for us. He wants such good things for us! Mostly, the ability to encounter - anything he allows into our lives - with a 'I can handle this, with God's help' mindset. The automatic pilot in our hearts that guides us to 'what does my Father say about this? What should I do?'
And then - react to our upbringing of behaving like His children.

I don't need to make a list of all the possible 'bad' attributes we have picked up along our lives journeys.  No doubt one or more, or many more, are coming to your mind.  -  What I WOULD like to say is; do we respond with the right attitude to our every day things? Do we act kindly towards strangers. Do we smile in traffic instead of curse. Do we ask our loved ones, neighbors, anyone - if they could use our help. Do we tell people how awesome Jesus is to us, and use communication they can understand - instead of confusing them with a bunch of 'thee's' & 'thou's'? Do we do what we know we should do, or do we ignore that twinge in our hearts? - It's all quite simple.

I think God allowed me to overhear my daughter, the other day, to remind me what a beautiful feeling it is - to hear a wonderful trait being passed along. It truly was beautiful.
He longs to feel that way about 'us'. He wants that 'wow! They took what I say to heart, and passes it along! Good job!' - feeling. He deserves it! He paid the ultimate high price for it.

So next time you could have a 'reaction' - let it be a positive 'action' of behaving how you're being raised by Him. He shows us. We just need to reflect the same traits.

Not ashamed, to not spend.

Christmas is approaching. And naturally we want to buy gifts for loved ones. (For me, especially for my grandchildren.)  - What parent/grandparent doesn't  want that? =)

We, my husband and I, live modestly. QUITE modestly, in fact.

Depending on any number of factors, our budget flows somewhere between - 'middle-class-comfortable' - to - 'it's tighter than too-small jeans'. ... Can you relate?

I'd like to hope that all of us have 'been there' at some time. It helps us grow, and find perspective.

The 'No we can't get that right now' days. Or, 'Sorry. We can't take that trip.' times. Maybe it's - 'It's hot dog night, again'.
Any tight times comes with disappointments. Probably more than just disappointment.

Maybe sadness. Anger. Frustration. Feeling pathetic, or hopeless. All of the above? - Ya. It can be hard.

Most of the time I'm a very frugal spender, regardless of our budget. - I looove making our dollars stretch! It feels wise and wonderful, even!
To grocery shop for bargains, rather than being a Commercial endured robot-shopper, is smart.
Garage Sales, Thrift Stores, Dollar Tree, and Walmart stuff? Yup! I'm all about it! - I use coupons, BOGO, a combo of both, or a number of other ways to 'Not be ashamed, to not spend'.

I absolutely love the sense of satisfaction it brings. =)

As life goes, there are times (right now is one for us) where circumstances shift, and you're left pinching pennies just to meet basic living expenses. - (Can I get an 'Amen!' ?)

The sort of time where it's 'routine' to have leftover-leftovers for most meals. Cashing in coin jars to put gas in the tank. Cutting back on non-essentials, entirely.
Such as - Dinners out. New seasonal clothing. This, or that. - And the upcoming Christmas gift list gets 'shortened'.
All of which can take a toll on your heart, even if your head 'gets it'.

I had such a 'pay the toll' moment, last night.

My husband and I decided one of the non-essentials we would cut-back on is our cable service. We don't have premium service, to begin with. But, we don't 'need' cable. Not really. Sure, it's a want, but definitely not a 'need'.

Some of what I watch on the News are reports of catastrophes.  Shootings. Wars. Storms that leave thousands without anything. Countless reports of families losing loved ones. And knowing that, even just a few miles from any of us, that there are families that don't only NOT have a Christmas list - but they don't have a home of their own, either. And they live at the mercy of a community - day after day.
How can I dare to think that I 'need' cable?

We're going to forego cable for a while. For a couple of months? A couple of years? I don't know, yet. But, we're going to cut it.

So as to get SOME sort of technical connection to the outside world - my husband hooked up an old fashioned TV antennae to the TV in our room. I didn't know he had, until I went to bed that night.

I walked into our bedroom. Stopped. Saw this 'not small' metal tic-tac-toe contraption of rods - sticking up and out of our flat screen TV. It was a jarring sight. It's UGLY! Intrusive. Poor looking. Pathetic looking. ...... I felt sad. *sigh*

It was a stark reminder of our financial plight, right now. How tight we have it.
And the 'moments ago' thought of people without ANYTHING - was gone from my head. And the thought of 'no' sugar plums, danced in my head.
As I lay on my bed, looking sadly at that sad contraption of rods - I couldn't help but notice how it was facing at an angle, and 'up'. Up. Like, skyward. Heavenward. Up.

And I felt shame at how quickly I had looked 'down' on my plight. Instead of  'up' to God.

Doesn't He have my back? Of course He does. Then why do I take my troubles from him, and hold onto them, and 'worry' instead?
.... ya .... 'Guilty as charged'.

We all have things that reminds us to keep things in perspective.
Some people have endless piles of debris from a catastrophe'. - I happen to have an antennae in my bedroom. An antennae that looks 'up' for power and strength to function.

... We should do the same. <3 nbsp="">

The Ugly Mirror

I own an ugly mirror. How I came to own it was rather unexpected. I had been shopping at the pharmacy we use, and as usual I checked their Clearance section for anything that might be useful to us. And there was the mirror!

It's a pedestal vanity mirror. The type that swivels from a regular reflection, to a magnified reflection, and will also light up around the perimeter to give better viewing. I don't wear a lot of make-up, but I do wear some, and this seemed like it would be helpful for that.
Given that the markdown price was 1/10th of the original price - sold me. $4.99 is a great bargain, I thought.

And as I was standing there, in front of all the marked down stuff, holding the box of my new find, another customer was walking past and remarked 'Oh! I have that! We call it the Ugly-mirror!'.
Um. What?
I didn't think it was ugly, it has a bronze finish and wasn't too ornate nor too plain. So, I remarked as such, and she continued with ... 'Oh, it's not ugly. But you're gonna see ugly in it.'. - Um. Not making this better, lady. Thanks a lot, I was thinking!
With a wave of her hand, and a smile on her face, she said her goodbye's with a 'you'll see'.

Oooh-kay, then. (*Insert eye roll here*)

I bought the mirror, brought it home, set it on the bathroom shelf, and plugged it it. Pretty! Not ugly at all. (Dumb lady, mumbled in my head)
I looked at my reflection on the regular side. Yup! This will work nicely when putting make-up on, or tending to a blemish or such. And then I flipped it over to the magnifying side, which for all intents and purposes will forever be referred to as - the UGLY side!!!

That lady was NOT kidding! The magnified, lit up reflection made every pore, stray chin hair, wrinkle, misplaced make-up, magnified and UGLY! Yikes!!! I look like THAT?!?! 'Horrors!' I had no idea!
Well, I quickly washed, plucked, and adjusted every little spot that was magnified and screaming at me to rescue me from myself!!!
My hair roots were more gray than I realized, my subtle smile lines were now bonified age wrinkles, and my lips resembled the 'before' shot on chap-stick commercials! I looked my age, and suddenly the humble girl I thought I was - had instantly become very vain and self conscious. Yikes!

Mirrors don't lie. No sir, they do not. Not good UGLY mirrors, that is. They expose every tiny detail of what's real. Whether we like it, or not.

...God is like that. Make no mistake, nothing about HIM is ugly. But he does expose what is ugly in us, thru his word, the bible.
Whether you're quite familiar of what's written in it, or you know it simply as a bible - and really have no clue what it says, it still speaks truth. And nothing is hidden to God. Nothing about this world. Nothing about us individually.

We can read how there's awful societal scars that we deal with in our culture; or personal blemishes we walk around with personally but ignoring them. They're there.
You're probably thinking of a whole bunch of things wrong in our world! I do!
But we also need to be mindful of the personal heart blemishes, we each have, that we hide from Gods mirror. Guess what. It's not hidden. They're not hidden.

You know what I'm talking about. Those little (or maybe not so little) dark sides inside of you. The ones you wish you didn't struggle with.

So why do you? Why do I? Let's get that Ugly Heart mirror out each day, and ask God to show us what shows to Him. What do we need to wash thru Him, and get it cleaned up. He'll show you. He's kinda keen on us - and likes us at our best. It 'reflects' well on Him.

Dog-Sitting

We're dog-sitting for a couple of days. And it is sooo much fun!

I never realized I was a 'dog' person, as they say, until we took in a rescue a couple of years ago. Oooh, was that neat! We got a gem of a girl. We named her 'Ginger' because of her beautiful red blonde coloring.
She knew commands, wasn't a table moocher, was house trained, she was pretty, and smart, and didn't chew our 'stuff', she was PERFECT! *sigh* - Until we discovered she was a 'runner'.

Every time a door opened, or leash wasn't clipped right, or leash would get yanked off by her wild thrashings (to be out of it!!!) - she would RUN. And run, and run, and run! Making wider and wider circles around our house - to the neighbors yards - and finally beyond, till she was 'out of sight'. She'd stay gone for hours! No matter how far and long we would look, call, beg, whistle, squeak her favorite toy. Nothing. Nothing so much as a glance over her shoulder at us. Nope. Just, gone.....

After living several weeks of her habit, and considering we live in a beautiful area that abuts the MetroParks (with deer and all sorts of wildlife coming thru regularly) - we also live on a very busy 4 lane road. An accident was bound to happen. For her wide arching circles of running track she was creating - she also was ignoring any boundaries in her path. Including 45 mph vehicles. *sigh* The 'gasps', breath holding, mouth covering, name shouting, arms flailing we did - was for naught. A very naught(y) girl named Ginger.

She knew us. She loved us. She knew we fed her, cared for her, played with her, rubbed her head and belly till she was practically purring! Lord knows we loved her!
Yet. Run she would. Every. Single. Chance. *sigh*

So. We brought her back to the shelter, to be adopted out again, to someone who had a big fenced yard. It was 'Adoption Day' the day we brought miss Ginger back. Dozens, and dozens, of families stood in loooong lines - hoping to find a good dog! And here we came. With ours.

Our hearts were breaking in a screaming silence within us! It was so unbearable to say 'goodbye' to our almost perfect dog! And she WAS perfect. Just not safe. And that made it necessary. For her. For us. And a little part of us died in doing it. In saying 'goodbye, be safe'.

Then hoping, and begging God, that she'd be adopted by a perfect and safe family! The odds were high, that day. The smiling faces, hope filled eye's, of soooo many people to come adopt 'their' dog - were everywhere we looked. We were encouraged many would want her!

When we adopted her, she had been 'found' by someone. There was no 'history' to be told for a perfect placement. All they had to go on was her behavior in the short time she was at the shelter.
But now, now, we could offer her behavior history - so they could best 'fit' her to the right 'match' of a family. Which is highly beneficial!

"She'll need a fence" we said, "...she's a runner.". The vet tech marked it down, while another tech examined her.
"What are her other problems?" they asked. *sigh* - "None. She's perfect." - And we both got tears in our eye's.
"We just don't have a fence. She's not safe.". (More tears!)

We signed the paperwork, and left. We didn't get to say 'goodbye' after all. And it killed us.

How can something you have so briefly - mean so much?!

Here comes the moral of the story:
I hope you were able to feel a little of what we felt from this story. It's all true. Our emotions for her are still palpable, even though it happened years ago.
Cause that slight window of love. That little glimpse of such a perfect love and protection that we felt for her,...is just a micro-fraction of what God feels for 'us'. For you. For me. For all of us.

Yet, don't we regularly 'run'? Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. But we all run. In our own ways. But always away from Gods best for us. We 'feel' the urge to bolt! There are endless metaphors and examples I could give for how we all do that! But we know ourselves. We know what makes us run. We know.
For me to list them - would distract us to others, and their imperfections. The only one that matters - is the one in our hearts. Think. Surely something is coming to mind. How/why your heart runs.

Our God loves us enough, that He lets us run. He wants us to WANT him. He'll never leash us, or lock us in. He wants us to choose to stay close to him. For our OWN safety.

But, if we run long enough, if we run far enough, we won't see or hear him anymore.

Yet, he'll always come looking. He will. Listen? Can't you hear him calling your name? Stop running. Stop. He loves you! Go to him. You'll find Him - perfect.

Help yourself!

I had a brief visit with one of my new hospice patients, today.

She's still in her home. Though it doesn't look very much like a home. Not as in how you and I would view/describe a typical home.
There were no sofa's, stuffed chairs, walls of photo's, personal items, drapes, carpets, cozy little things to make the room and house say "Welcome! Our family lives here! Come join us for a while.".

No. None of those things were there. Instead ... as too often typical of a home hospice patient... I walked into the main room (what once was the living room), to discover it had become a make-shift hospital room for the patient.

What once probably held many memories of family gatherings. Everyday, and special days, now held the frail being of someone who was clinging to those memories and feelings and people ... as best she could.
She was in a hospital bed - that looked as strange to be in that room, as if it were to be sitting in the middle of a parking lot. It seemed so out of place.

Yet, it served it's purpose. Holding this dear woman as best as a bed could. A bed that could alter and change to serve the purpose of making her day and comfort level easier. (But it didn't. Not really)
She was so frail, and covered with many blankets, none of which covered her fragility.
She could no longer move on her own, or speak on her own. But she could watch. And watch she did! Every move!

She watched me enter. She watched me draw to the side of her bed and warmly introduce myself. Not in baby talk, or elder-speak (as Hospice would put it). I didn't talk "down" to her. Why should I? She's a woman. Deserving of the natural way of conversation as any of us would have.
She knows she's different. Suffering. In need. Dependant.
Yet. She's independent! Independent of her feelings, her thoughts, her desires.
That's where I hoped to meet her at.

I asked if I could trim her hair, as they had called me to ask if I would come and give her a haircut to help freshen her mood.
I'm not licensed to do so, nor am I certified to be a cosmetologist. But, I've trimmed my share of hair over the years, and that's all they wanted done. I was honest with them. They were honest with me. "Yes! Please come!".

So with her smile of approval, and the soft draping of the softest material I had at home, I proceeded to make her comfortable for a little trim. It felt intimate to gently tuck in this soft blue material around her. To comb and sweep her graying hair to reveal where it's natural sway would be.
This stranger to me. And I to her.

We exchanged several smiles, while I snipped a little here a little there. Each time carefully taking the snippets and gently placing them in the nearby trash so they wouldn't land on her, or her bedding, thus making her itch or uncomfortable in any way. It was slow and methodical. And gave me time to truly think about what I was doing.
Cutting hair? No. Not that.

Time to think that I was gently helping someone who couldn't help themselves. And, I weep now ... as I think about how much that actually helped "me".

We all need to search for, and find, what that "helping" thing is we can do. Should do!

We all need it. We think we don't need it until we're in a dire position. But we're wrong. We all need it now. We all need to help one another, now. Simply because we should.

The bible tells of how the "washing of feet" was so important. Was it because of the dirt and dust that would gather on sandled feet? Perhaps.
Or was it simply because it would show us the true love and value of helping and being helped? That is what I now believe.

I finished trimming this wonderful woman's hair. She looked afresh. I ... felt afresh.

My helping her, helped me. *sigh*

When new journeys begin ...

I'm about to begin a new journey.

A new direction in my life, that will add to all the other things, that conforms me into the person I am.

We all have new journeys.

New journeys are always entering our lives.

A new job. A new relationship. A new school. A new baby. A new home. A new diagnosis. A new ... (fill in the blank).

Some we choose. Some are given to us. Some are stumbled upon. Some are prayed for. Some hit us like a bolt of lightning and blindside us. They come in many forms, and many happen during our lives.

All those "new" journeys ... collectively ... become the history of us.

That's an interesting thought to me. The "new" becomes the "history". (Eventually, anyway.)

This new journey of mine is in it's early stages. But I anticipate MUCH from it as time goes on.

It promises to offer me many life lessons. Many blessings to count. Many memories that I will be able to recall when I need their strength, encouragement, peace, clarity, or any number of things that they will offer me.

I have chosen this journey. I wanted it. I feel called to it. I know I'm meant to walk it.

The journey being ... I will be volunteering with a Hospice program.

Hospice is an organization that offers help to dying people. It does NOT help people die. ( A common misconception of their purpose).

If you would like to know more about their philosophy - please ask. I'd be happy to share it with you.

What I've mentioned, briefly above, is that Hospice is care and comfort given to people who are dying and at the end stages of their life - and care and comfort to their family members and loved ones.

I'm in the training program now, and it will continue a few more weeks. After that, I will be working directly with patients and their families.

There is a lot to take in and learn through this training process alone. The philosophy, the purpose, the misconceptions, the physical and spiritual care that goes into helping the patients, friends and family members. And so on...

The training is not something to be rushed, or taken lightly. It's a profound and honorable thing to be part of, and I'm humbled just at the thought that I feel called to be involved.

I know there will be very hard aspects of this. Sad experiences. Heartbreaking moments. Though I don't enter this with a deep wisdom, I enter it with my eye's and heart open to knowing this will be part of the experience.

I've lost several friends and family members through the years - I know the roller coaster of emotions that the final days bring. Perhaps my being able to hold a hand, and simply "know" what that ride is like, will help someone on that ride ... know they are not alone.

It's suggested that we, the volunteers, journalize our journey of working with Hospice.

Since I have journaled for years, and have blogged (even just a few times in the past few months) ... I thought I'd combine all the aspects of this suggestion ... and use this blog as part of my recording the newness, and eventual history, of this hospice journey and it's heart lessons.

I want you to know - I will never disclose anything that would in anyway be able to identify a particular patient, family member or co-worker that I will be working with.

This blog/journal of mine is to reflect my feelings - my insights - my lessons learned - my questions - my heart - all that this journey will offer and teach "me".

To disclose identifiable details of anyone else would be inexcusable, and I promise not to do so.

What I do promise, is that I hope my journey and my recording of it here will inspire your hearts. Strengthen your lives with the lessons that others will be sharing with me - either in their own words, or by their example.

We're all on this journey around the sun - together.

Death is part of life. We share it.

Though hard to embrace it - it can blend into a beautiful sunset time, that will help complete our purpose of this earthbound time we have together.

I don't intend for this blog/journal to be a sad memorial of thoughts. Rather, I want it to be uplifting and honorable to those who make their life stories worth sharing - because they will make us better! Because of who they were!

Please, feel free to share your stories, your thoughts, your lessons learned from this type of journey, too.

Like I said, we're all on this journey around the sun - together.

~ Summer ~

Mmm! ... Summer. I love it! And I have yet to meet a person who doesn't.

I love to find myself a day where I don't have distractions, or responsibilities, that get in the way of my enjoying the outdoors. Relaxing into a summer day is like easing into your most favorite chair ever!
It's time to take a deep breath innnnn .... and then let that deep breath ouuuutttt .... : )

Let's see ... what shall I see?
I stare at the grass. I watch the way the sunlight seems almost fluid like as it washes through the tree's and slowly stretches across the grass.
Is it always this pretty, this soft?
Why don't I stop to watch that more?
It's like - visual music.

*deep breath in ~ deep breath out ...

I listen to the birds. Not just the closest one. Not just the loudest one. But ... all of them.
So unique. So sweet. So pure and natural.
I watch their flight. Their rest. Their fluff of their wings. Wings of feathers.
Their feathers. Such an awesome thing - in and of themselves. Ever hold one and twirl it around as you marvel at it's design? It's shape, texture, color?
It's amazing, really.
And hundreds of them cover these incredible creatures.
And as the birds call out to each other - sing to each other - do we listen? Really - listen?
I listen ... and I wonder.

*deep breath in ... deep breath out ...


Today as I rock in the glider in our backyard ~ a breeze is gently blowing my hair.
It's the most perfect caress.
So gentle. So soft. So warm.
I close my eyes' ... just so I can feel it's touch all the more. *sigh*

*deep breath in ... deep breath out ...

And tree's. The sentries of the earth.
Small and growing. Tall and regal. Old and poetic.
They stand.
They sway.
Their canopy rises and falls with the breeze.
Their leaves rustle. Maybe we hardly notice ... unless we try to.
Such a waste of music if we don't.
I commit to listen more often.

The buzz of bugs.
I must smile. I must laugh.
These tiny creatures that can make us gasp in fright - can also hold us captive in awe.
So intricate they are. So delicate yet strong.
Purposeful quests they are each on.
Whether winged or walking - they always find their mission.
Dare we do the same - this world might be a different place.
I hear the summer locust buzz their rhythmic unison wave. It rises and falls as though orchestrated by a great maestro.
It intrigues me to wonder what it is they find so important to voice.

*deep breath in ... deep breath out ...

The scent of the woods.
So earthy and musky.
Rich soil and vegetation. Ferns, grasses, the red/brown carpet beneath our feet.
It would not be possible for man to match something as worthy to our senses.
Earth!
The word itself sounds as rich as it's aroma.

*deep breath in ... deep breath out ...

The summer sky.
What an ever changing canopy of beauty.
From the whitest light blue - to it's corals - to it's deep plums - the colors are like a broad slow-moving kaleidoscope.
From sun rise - to sun set - the slow motion ceiling panorama is our covering.
The clouds that grace it's face are as varied and changing as our thoughts can be. You can tell it's mood at one glance.
And instantly - it has an affect on our mood.

The scent of rain.
The scent of a lake.
The scent of the ocean.
The scent of a stream in a forest.

Indeed ~ DEEP breath in ... DEEP breath out ...

Yes! I love summer outdoors!
I love everything ~ EVERYTHING ~ about it!